A smear of petroleum jelly might have done wonders for “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past,” a junky-looking romantic comedy that’s neither remotely romantic nor passably comic. An old trick used to soften facial lines, greasing a lens or filter can diffuse the image and, much like candlelight, bring a touch of glamour to a scene. And if ever a movie needed to have its hard lines eased with some cheap glamour, it’s this one: a crude gloss on Dickens’s “Christmas Carol,” it tracks a high-flying photographer who, on the eve of his brother’s marriage, is forced by several ghosts to revisit a life dedicated to sexual catch and release.
The director Mark Waters, who typically does better by his actresses, proves of no help to Ms. Garner or anyone else. (Given his smoother work on “Freaky Friday” and “Mean Girls,” it’s hard not to wonder if this production itself were haunted.) Whether by contract or default, “Girlfriends” is strictly a one-man show, a vehicle for Mr. McConaughey’s diminishing returns. While there’s still a little charm under that permatan, it’s getting tougher for him to sell the goods on only a smile. He might still be capable of delivering an actual performance again, giving up something other than mannerisms (sauntering walk, crinkling eyes, flashing grin), but he needs a director who can help him get going. Age isn’t easy, even for golden boys.
The movie makes much the same point with Uncle Wayne, Connor’s lifelong bad influence. Played by an insistently watchable Michael Douglas, Uncle Wayne is a cautionary tale incarnate: an old-school playboy wrapped in a leathery casing who appears to have been at least partly based on the Hollywood producer Robert Evans. Now mostly famous for being famous and, to an extent, for his autobiography, “The Kid Stays in the Picture,” Mr. Evans produced classics like “Chinatown” once upon a time. Although Mr. Douglas’s face is often obscured with tinted, oversize glasses and a luxurious wave of hair, almost as if he were trying to duck the camera, he brings this ghost to freakish life. The lizard king no longer rocks, but he certainly does slither.